Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
did i walk over a car last night?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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