Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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