Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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