Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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