I am in a vortex of obligation.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
