I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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