i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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