I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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