How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
