You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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