The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
