i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
