Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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