You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
