Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize