FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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