batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
