Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
