I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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