I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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