Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's always time for handjobs
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
