So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
