i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
