She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
