Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
