dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
