If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
