Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
