Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
