best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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