the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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