dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
