I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
