just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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