Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
