That's when you crack a 10am beer
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
