Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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