Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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