an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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