My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
