This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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