yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
