yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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