I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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