I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
