I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
