I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
