Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
