I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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