I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize