apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
