she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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