Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
