I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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