She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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