i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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