Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
