I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I still have a little drunk in my system
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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