I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
