I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
