You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
