I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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