shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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