dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
