My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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