I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You need Xanax blowdarts
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
