i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
