I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
