I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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